It’s not real. It’s all in my head. I am not dying.
I made the very hard decision of weaning off my medication. I was taking 200mg of Sertraline/Zoloft. I felt fine about it except there were unusual issues that came up for me. (You can read about why I chose to medicate while suffering from anxiety and postpartum depression here)
I recently had two miscarriages after not ever having had one. And I have two beautiful healthy little girls. My doctor said it couldn’t be the medication but another friend of mine has been having the exact same issue while on this medication and with two previous healthy pregnancies.
Not to mention I started gaining a ton of weight and no matter how much exercise or healthy meals I had, it would not go down.
Talk to your doctor before adjusting the dose of your medication in any way. I am weaning off my medication under the supervision of my family doctor.
– Chanelle
The hardest part about weaning is my body’s response to the drop in medication. I mean I’ve been on the drug for two years now. I’m pretty much an addict.
But I now have to figure out how to calm myself down without the medication. Since being on the medication helped quiet my anxious thoughts and fight or flight instinct to the most miniscule situations, I now have to talk myself down.
I’ll be going through out my day and have random memories pop into my head that make my mind race. I’m suddenly trying to figure out a resolution to a situation that happened years ago. A situation I have no control over now.
I respond to every single problem like it’s life or death. Can you imagine having a panic attack about getting dinner made on time? Or when having to change a diaper and the kid is running away?
There are “emergencies” in the world everywhere that are not life or death. Our brain insists they are and our body responds accordingly.
Especially while running this business, I’ve had to insist on keeping the phrase, “your emergency is not my emergency”, at the forefront of my mind.
I’m not a superhero. I’m not God. I can’t be anyone’s savior and trying to be will likely kill me. I’m constantly limited by thousands of obstacles and that’s ok. It keeps me dependent on Jesus for help.
The important thing is not to work hard at gaining control of every aspect of my life. It’s to work hard at not losing my mind over the things I am not in control of. No issue is truly the end of the world.
I’ve started having more decaffeinated teas. If you know me you would know that’s a huge step. I’ve started taking melatonin at night to get to sleep. I turn notifications off on my phone the moment I begin to panic.
I have to insist that the views and opinions of others is not worth working hard for. And now I realize that in the past I rushed a job or did it poorly when doing it in an anxious state.
It’s not easy to admit, but I actually need to stop what I’m doing when I’m beginning to panic. It won’t help to just get it done so I can get over my anxiety. I mean there are so many tasks I’d probably enjoy doing if I wasn’t anxious while doing it.
Most of my time running Maturing Mama has been while on anti-depresant medication. I’m blessed to now have a team of ladies to help me out now so I don’t carry all the weight myself. But I don’t think I would have gotten this far without being on medication. Without admitting it was not ok to handle tasks with anxiety. With fear.
Nothing’s the end of the world. Everyone has hurdles popping up in their lives. I’m not the only one that feels like the world is against me. I cannot control situations in my life. But I can control my response.
I cannot control other’s opinion of me but I can control my response to them. The goal in life is not to gain control of my life. It’s to enjoy every moment despite being out of control.
Now I understand why people enjoy rollercoaster rides. It’s thrilling, so enjoy the ride! All of the situations that come up will make for a great story one day that will inspire someone just like you.
If you need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to connect with you. Please email info@maturingmama.com
