Here’s your opportunity to learn more about the parenting styles of each Maturing Mama. No Mama is exactly the same in her parenting skills. This is our opportunity to highlight our differences in parenting in a means to help you find a method that works for you.
How would you navigate a discussion with your kids concerning masturbation?
Masturbation is such a sensitive, tough subject. Especially as a Christian parent. We haven’t actually had a whole lot of experience in this area. No incidents we have had to address…but as with everything else for our family, we do not sugar coat or shy away from tough conversations.
We use real words when we are talking about body parts and we work very hard to not make anything sexual a gross, shameful thing. It is all part of how our bodies are created. As parents, we believe our biggest job with this subject is to acknowledge that these feelings and changing sensations in our bodies are perfectly normal, but we are here to direct our children in how to handle all of it appropriately.
Making these conversations normal within the walls of our home, we are hoping to facilitate an atmosphere where no subject is uncomfortable or off limits for our boys to come to us with as they grow.
My kids are so young we are at least a few years away (I think!) from a discussion about masturbation; but I have had a few brief conversations with my 4-year-old about putting her hand in her pants. I think it’s each person’s right – and is totally natural! – to explore their bodies in the ways they want to. So it’s important to me to talk with my kids about that in age appropriate ways, without making them feel judged or dirty.
The few times my 4-year-old has put her hands in her pants somewhere outside the bathroom I start by asking if her vulva and bum feel okay (you never know if something is actually wrong), and then remind her to wash her hands after “so she doesn’t get any pee germs on anything”.
I’m careful to phrase it that way to be clear that her body is not dirty, but I do want her to wash her hands before she keeps playing. She has always agreed, and that’s all I need to say about it. Ask me again in 6-8 years…
I believe that sexual satisfaction is meant to be between a husband and wife. I do my best now to explain this to my four year old when she asks questions or shows interest in touching herself.
I don’t want my girls to feel embarrassed or ashamed. But I want to explain in a very practical manner that there is a beautiful experience waiting for them if or when they get married and it ought to be saved till then.
I don’t want my girls to learn to satisfy themselves sexually and deprive their husbands of exploring this themselves.
So far we have had to have a few conversations with our four year old. We try to not make her feel like an orgasm is a horrible feeling. We want her to understand it’s a great feeling that is even better when experienced between spouses. I value that she isn’t afraid to ask questions and that’s what I want.
I feel that this is preparation for those harder conversations about boys as she gets older. I didn’t feel afraid to talk to my mom about my physical relationship with my boyfriend (now husband). Because of that she was able to give me guidance and sound advice.
No matter what you think, masturbation and sex is an important topic to discuss with your spouse. Doesn’t matter what gender your children are, being on the same page as your partner is key to maintaining consistency in your parenting.
In our discussion, my husband and I discovered that neither of our parents ever discussed this topic with us. I went through Sexual Education in school, but my husband’s parents opted out of it and just gave him a book instead.That book took more of a child’s perspective in trying to explain the changes to his body and how to deal with it. Great, a book on what’s happening, but still no discussion.
In our efforts to figure out how to deal with our boys, we have come to the conclusion that sex and masturbation will be a difficult conversations to have with our children. Ideally, it would be my husband talking with our boys about it. His idea was to be going through a book, similar to what his parents gave him, with our boys and discussing the different points being made. His hope would be to find a book that would be written from the Christian perspective to be able to go back and forth with references to the bible, and all through his conversation with the boys, keeping abstinence front and centre.
I think masturbation is a very tricky subject to broach with kids because they need to know exploring your body is a perfectly normal natural thing but on the other hand they need to know it’s not acceptable to walk around messing all day.
With my daughter being 2 we are at the potty training stage so with no nappies on she’s discovered a new part of herself and is very intrigued and refuses to wear any sort of bottoms.
At this moment, I just have to keep reminding her that she has dirty fingers and will make herself sore. I don’t know how to say this without it sounding way too much but she has also taken to holding what ever she has in her hands against her private parts so I just simply say “no babe, take that off your lady bits you’ll get wee wee on it.”
It seems to be working at the moment and she will stop when I remind her without her feeling any sort of shame or embarrassment.
I’m a very open parent but I have no idea how we will approach it when she’s older and doing it for purpose ?