Could we all agree on the fact that dating can be very hard? Well let’s add being a mom in your twenties on top of that.
There are so many questions and concerns for the mother who just began dating, and for the person who is thinking about dating a mom. I recently took a poll on social media to get a perspective on both sides. 60% said yes to dating a single mom, 35% said no.
More people (on this poll) are open to dating someone with kids but for the others that said no, I had them send in a few answers as to why.
Time management was the top response, by the mom already having someone in their life who comes first, the dater becomes second. As a mom your priority is your child, but for the dater they want to feel like a priority which is understandable on both sides.
Next question I asked was; when should you tell someone you have a child? Of course, the response was 95% right away. You would think telling someone ahead of time would help but, in some cases, well in my case it does not always help. I was recently talking to someone for two months, when he decided he wasn’t, “ready to take care of a kid”. I think that is a top misconception of dating a single mom, even though I don’t have help from the other parent, I’m also not looking for someone to replace the other parent.
If we work out, and someone becomes a bonus parent that’s just a blessing not a necessity.
A top concern I received from a single mom was what if the child and your new partner do not get along? That brings me to another one of the questions I asked, which was, When should you introduce your partner to your child? 70% answered when it’s serious, 30% said at the beginning. My answer to this question is at the beginning. Not right after you meet, but before you get too serious.
I used to say when the relationship was serious too, until I heard Steve Harvey speak on this subject. He said, what if you wait until you and your partner are serious, and love is involved but then your child and the partner don’t get along? Then all that time has been invested on both sides and it winds up not working out. Once I heard this, my perspective changed.
Yes, it’s scary introducing them at the beginning, but it is very important to see how your partner will interact with your child, and vice versa.
Before dating a single mom here’s a few things I think you should know. Our kids are our priority. Having a partner would be great but we do not need a relationship. We have been through a lot and our time is precious because we give so much to our little ones. So, before you say yes to dating a single mom please be sure of what you want, because our priorities can’t change.
As a single mother we juggle; parenthood, friendships, working, taking care of a home, while also trying to be open to new love. Single moms are strong, I’d even call us warriors.
If you are a single mom reading this and you feel alone reach out to other single moms, we know what you’re going through. Just remember that you are strong, you are loved, and you are enough.