The Mama’s Perspective – #Momfails

Here’s your opportunity to learn more about the parenting styles of each Maturing Mama. No Mama is exactly the same in her parenting skills. This is our opportunity to highlight our differences in parenting in a means to help you find a method that works for you.

Based off of this recent post https://maturingmama.com/2019/11/02/my-momfails-can-turn-into-momwins/ :

Write out one of your #momfail moments and then a plan on how you will productively turn this around.

Loreili


I follow a lovely lady on Instagram who posts challenges and advice everyday. 

Most of her challenges are positive parenting strategies on how to implement them. From a  no yell challenge to how to be a safe parent. 

I have silently taken these challenges not telling anyone, hoping I wouldn’t be held accountable. This isn’t out of the ordinary for me, I do this in many areas of my life, not only parenting. 

Why do I do this to myself? 

The simple answer is failure. 

I thought I’d come way further then this. 

I have more bad days then good days and let me tell you what I mean. 

I’m a highly sensitive person, so I feel everything strongly. When I call a day a bad day, I’m saying I had an emotional reaction that made me feel sad in the moment. 

The good news is, I’m not defined by my feelings and have come a long way to recognize that. Feelings are fleeting after all and there’s always an opportunity to recover. I understand this doesn’t happen for everyone the same way but be encouraged that it’s possible to win even when you feel like your not. I lose my patience a lot, I raise my voice when I’m stressed and I even cry in the corner sometimes when the day gets the best of me. 

At the end of the day I’m not a failure and neither are you. You are more then what you feel. You are a breath of life, orchestrated for this time. I am confident you’ve been given all you need to be a good Mom even on a bad day. You are not alone. We are in this together. There will be many trials along the way, don’t you dare take your focus off what your working toward as a parent. My hope is when you feel weary and heavy laden, God would show you his everlasting peace and above all else, LOVE, as it covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Kelly

My biggest mum fail….bringing two children into this world to two different fathers, none of which I was in a real relationship with. I get THE biggest mum guilt ever knowing that I have brought yet another child into a ‘broken home’ having not learned by my “mistakes” last time. After my first child (father not involved) I was adamant there was no way I was going to get pregnant again until I was in a stable loving relationship knowing it was going to go the distance and my children would grow up in a proper family environment. But it seems life (and jagermeister 😏) had different plans.

My biggest fear is that my kids are going to miss out on a traditional family upbringing, the way it’s supposed to be. Luckily my 2nd child’s father is involved but my 1st isn’t and it worries me so much that she is going to realise very quickly her and her brother are different, how do you explain that to a baby, that’s something I should have prevented her from being exposed too and I failed.

The future terrifies me as I do really long for that proper, strong family bond, staying home with the kids making cookies for when daddy comes home from work, but who’s going to want to come into a family with two kids from 2 fathers already, what does that make people think of me?

I know my children will never want for anything, that is something I will make sure of and one day I do hope I can provide a stable environment for them so they see how a healthy relationship looks and not make the same mistakes I have.

Chanelle

I hate this question even though I came up with it. #Momfails hurt to talk about. I mean write out one #momfail moment… Just one?! I can’t pick!

Anyway, recently my girls who are one and four have started fighting a lot. My one year old is simply being a toddler. Bossy and destructive.

However my four year old’s response to her baby sister has been far too identical to my response to her when she’s being naughty. She literally says the exact phrases I use and unfortunately in the exact tone of voice- very loud.

Hearing the way she talks to her sister and knowing those are the exact phrases I use on her hurts. And to be honest, the reason I’m so short with her is because I’m tired. And I’m tired because at night I stay up till 1am. I simply enjoy the alone time so much.

However this makes me extremely unreasonable the next day. I don’t want my home to be one of yelling and being impatient with one another. I’m honestly praying for the will power to go to sleep early. Because in my heart, I don’t want to. In my heart, it’s worth being grumpy just to have those few hours of undisturbed quiet.

I know this isn’t horribly wrong. But I think I’m taking it too far. I want to discuss with my husband a method of accountability to be in bed by 11pm at the latest. And this totally sucks to even think of considering. Gaaaaah!

I know if certain friends and family found out about this #momfail they would judge my parenting skills big time. But at the same time I know they will always find something to judge me on. So I don’t take this too personally. It’s just the reality of life.

I do believe that me being honest and working on a method of turning this situation around is what matters most. Even if those that are judgemental don’t see my efforts and assume I’m doing nothing- it’s more about the change happening within my home than making it look like there’s change to everyone else.

Kyler

When reflecting on my mom fails, I have far too many to count! I’ve lost my temper too soon, said things I shouldn’t have, handled many situations COMPLETELY wrong.

It seems as though as soon as I have failed my way through a season and am finally starting to feel as thought I have a handle on things and am winning as a parent, my kids go and enter into a totally new phase of life and I have to start all over!

In our house, we have always drilled into our kids that not a single one of us will ever be able to get things right, let alone do things perfectly! We have had to learn to give ourselves, as parents, grace and in that grace learn to apologize and make things right. In doing so, it is our hope that our kids will learn form our ability to see a fault or failure and be able to own up and grow from it.

There have been weeks when I have had to apologize daily for my responses to not only my kids, but my husband as well. From my perspective, the very best way to turn a failure into a win is to own it, communicate, apologize, and make a constant effort towards reacting differently in the future.

At the end of the day, more than anything I want my kids to be able to say that their mom was far from perfect, but she was willing to listen and grow and own her mistakes. My hopes is this will help them to not strive towards any kind of perfection themselves, but rather have the ability to know when they are wrong and be humble enough to choose to change and grow from it.

Everybody messes up often, but it is those who are able to admit their weaknesses who are the ones who rise up and make a difference.

Kalifa

One major #momfail has been too much punishment and not enough positive reinforcement. My 4-year-old has learned that hurting her sister or throwing toys gets my attention right away, and so we have fallen into a cycle of her seeking negative attention rather that positive. As a mom of a 4-year-old and an almost 2-year-old, my days are BUSY, and I don’t acknowledge polite words or kind interactions between my daughters enough. My 4-year-old is so capable and mature in many ways, and I realize I’ve been underestimating her need for praise and encouragement. 

This is going to be a hard cycle to break, but I’m trying! It has been a slow, long process to get to this point, and my 4-year-old won’t accept it when I don’t give her the negative attention she expects, so she tries harder. She threw my phone on the floor last week. She’s committed. I, however, am more committed! I will keep focusing on positive behaviour and ignore what I can (whining, throwing soft toys, etc.) until she prefers the positive reinforcement over the punishment.

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