“I’ve always been career focused, so when I became pregnant – with twins – I panicked. How was I going to raise twins and keep on pursuing my acting career?”– Agam Darshi
I am so proud to introduce mother of twin boys, actress and director, Agam Darshi. Known for roles on Netflix’s Funny Boy, DMZ, The Flash, Sanctuary and many more. As many of you know, I (Chanelle Holder), have recently started my own journey within the film industry. Now balancing this new career along with Maturing Mama Magazine and motherhood- I need to reach out to this powerhouse mom/actress Agam, for details on how her journey has been. Here she is as our newest Maturing Mama author to tell her story:
When I was little, I dreamt of being a mother… and the CEO of Coca-Cola.
I’ve always loved acting. I got a Bachelor of Fine Arts in visual arts from university with a focus on photography and a minor in theatre, just because I loved it. But I didn’t think I would make a career from it.
I moved to Vancouver from Calgary, and was encouraged by an old teacher to get an agent. So I did, thinking I could make some extra cash here and there. I ended up booking my first job, a recurring role on a series. And that was kind of it. I ended up working a lot back then. I was really lucky.
But as I got older the hustle became more and the business became harder. I put off having kids for a while. I wanted to get to a place where I felt satisfied in my career. But then I realized there is no perfect time to be a mother. And the desire to have kids outweighed the desire to have the perfect career. (Which I don’t know even really exists).
I’ve always been career focused, so when I became pregnant – with twins – I panicked. How was I going to raise twins and keep on pursuing my acting career? People told me, ‘Once you have kids, you might change your mind. Things change. Your job won’t mean as much.’ And in some ways they’re right. My priorities have changed. But my desire to eat up life and see how far I can push myself has actually gotten stronger.
I started working two and a half months after my boys were born. I wasn’t expecting to. But a role came up that I liked, and there I was, 40 pounds heavier, taping an audition with my husband while he read lines and rocked our babies to sleep in their stroller. I got the role and was relieved to work, to be honest. I had a tough time adapting to motherhood in the early months.
Postpartum kept me feeling heavy and lost. I didn’t have the immediate maternal instincts that I thought you were supposed to have after you deliver a baby or two. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and so to be back on set, doing something I knew I was good at, was a welcome moment for me. I was so happy to do the work I loved, and then return home to the people I loved. Working on the show was a real blessing in those early months, because it pulled me out of the baby blues, and showed me that I could be a mother and still pursue my passion.
Not too long after, I decided to take things up a notch. I performed a 1 woman show I wrote while I was pregnant. It was a 75 minute roller coaster with 15 characters, that I performed every night for four days, while my babies were 7 months old. I would rehearse with my director in our house, reciting monologues, while she bounced a baby on her lap and gave me notes.
The show was challenging and incredibly scary, and something I had never done before. But again — my creative juices were on fire, and I needed to re-discover what kind of artist I was. The experience gave me the confidence to move forward in my artistry, while also balancing motherhood.
Over the past five years, I’ve found myself pushing my personal boundaries in ways I never did before children. I climbed Kilimanjaro in 2019, I directed my first feature film earlier in 2021. These moments are less about hitting career goals and more about discovering who I am and how strong I can be, in the midst of life’s demands. These events have taken me away from my children at times, which I have felt guilty about. But in the end, the pros outweigh the cons, for me.
Motherhood forces you to dig deep. It is by far the biggest and most meaningful challenge I have ever been up against. Since having my children, I’ve discovered so much about myself and have changed so much over the past five years. But while I care for these beautiful, small, powerful little beings, I need to fill myself up in other ways, so that I am capable of returning back to them as the best version of myself. I believe that when our children see the joy my husband and I experience after we do something hard, it gives them confidence and joy as well.