If you guys have been keeping up with my personal posts you’ve known that I’ve not only been having a bad day, but bad weeks. It has been none stop one unfair situation after another.
I felt like I had a target on my back and everyone was coming after me.
Today I had a meeting with my counselor and this is how it went:
Counselor: How have you been doing?
Me: bursts into hysterical laughter
She looked concerned at first. Could it be that I finally snapped?
But I was laughing because there had been blessing after blessing in the span of 48hrs. I went on to tell her about every good circumstance I had suddenly found myself in. And it all started when I declared, “I’m done!” and had let go of all the injustices I was trying to fight.
There was one particular issue that happened to me involving the church that just hurt me so bad. It left me feeling hated by God because His people had shown the most hurtful actions toward me. I especially felt singled out for being the only black person in this group context and situation.
An old friend of mine who is also black was checking in on me to make sure I was ok. I have to admit, I forgot about how great the importance is of letting friends in on tough situations. It’s of the utmost importance. This pandemic has caused me to believe I have to handle tough issues on my own. Or if I’m going to let anyone know I’m having a hard time, just give them the Readers’ Digest version and not really let them in.
My friend and I talked for hours. She heard my story and then I heard hers. She had been through a similar season and situation as a minority in the church. We cried together and then encouraged each other. When we finally said good bye we were both laughing and excited about God’s goodness.
Knowing that I wasn’t the odd one out and that my circumstances was not God’s wrath on me but simply people being messy- it encouraged me to let it go. To let go of all the injustices I felt I needed to fight.
I literally contacted those involved and said, “We don’t have to discuss this any further.”
The next day I got an email from the church apologizing on behalf of all parties involved and admitting they were wrong.
I was already feeling relief from letting go of the situation. But this small gesture helped as well. Suddenly there were things in my life I was looking at and getting excited about.
While I was in my slump, my surroundings seemed so dark and scary. I wanted so badly to feel happy and excited about life. I thought my circumstances all needed to change in order to have this.
Infact I thought my circumstances had changed when I spoke with my counselor and told her about how good life was. She said, “Actually it’s not your circumstances that’s changed… It’s your attitude.”
I hadn’t really thought about it like that. I mean the parties involved in that dispute at my church hadn’t contacted me with an apology. My landlord situation is still messy and there’s not been a resolution in that either. There’s a lot my family are still struggling with, but it suddenly doesn’t feel like it’s worth getting upset over.
I read this portion of scripture this morning that really inspired this feeling. Well I actually didn’t read it, I listened to it on my phone because what mom has time and focus to sit and “read” 😅
But here’s the verse:
“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat. “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for. “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family. “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom. “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
Matthew 5:3-12 MSG