As some may know from my previous TTC article, my husband and I have been TTC for a year now. This journey has been far from easy, and quite frankly, it isn’t even close to being over yet. We have hit a bit of a hiccup in the road and it’s starting to get to me.
See, I have skipped my last two periods and am starting to go nuts. I have not been able to get a positive urine pregnancy test. I have gone for blood work twice. The first results had my HCG levels 1 point below a possible positive pregnancy. The second test, a week later, looked at hormones other than HCG. It came back as being within positive pregnancy levels. Only problem was, the urine pregnancy test we did at the doctors after that was negative. Now my final hope was an ultrasound that could have potentially shown a baby developing. Instead this ultrasound showed nothing in my uterus and a dominant follicle on my left ovary, meaning that there is yet again no baby.
These last few months have been a roller coaster ride. I have had symptoms like morning (all-day) sickness, sudden cravings, extreme fatigue, and constant hunger. There have been moments where I am excited and hopeful and believe that I am pregnant, then there is an equal amount of moments where I doubt that I am pregnant. I worry that it is really just my body going through early menopause and all hopes of conceiving a baby has been lost.
All of this turmoil has been difficult on me mentally. I have found that I am having a tough time seeing all of these pregnancy announcements by both friends and strangers. Even today, I saw a friend announce a surprising fourth pregnancy that was quickly followed by me crying for twenty minutes straight. My husband had to step in and calm me down. He knows how desperate I have been feeling since we have been TTC for so long.
On a daily basis I have constantly been asking myself: What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I conceive? I am in a much better place than I was when I had my boys, so then why are we not able to conceive?
I frequently have to remind myself that God has a plan. We may want to have things happen on our time, but if that does not line up with his time, we have to learn to be patient. Be patient and pray that we follow the path he has laid before us.
Remember mommas, you are not alone. We are all in this together. Just keep swimming!