If you asked me as a teenager if watching the average sex scene on a movie or tv show for adults would bother my marriage, I would have scratched my head. I mean I’m married now, so sex should just be as common and public for us as it is on TV… right? (And on TV sex can literally be public as people gotta have it there and now).
There came a time in my marriage when I finally had to say, enough is enough! I couldn’t take it anymore. I begged my husband to either turn the program off or skip to the next scene. He would sometimes say, “but what if something happens during that scene that’s connected to the plot?” A true statement. But then I realized, is it worth it?
I’ll be honest about where my state of mind is while watching a sex scene with my husband. When watching movies in general, we are put in a position to live the lives of the lead characters on screen. So as I watch this steamy intimate scene on TV I will naturally put myself in the female character’s position. I will allow my mind to believe in the intense pleasure given by another man and the method of which he is using to give pleasure. In the end I’m left questioning my sex life with my husband and comparing it to one that was orchestrated by a team of writers, directors and actors. All of whom I would not invite into my bedroom to direct me on how to share this intimacy with my husband.
I realized that after watching any type of program that presented a scene like this, I was left with the idea that sex with my husband is not worth it. These television characters have set the bar and I am intimidated. I am burdened with the belief that my husband is not satisfied unless we are able to follow the step-by-step directions given by this television program. I mean what if someone found out we weren’t having sex the “right” way?
Yes… yes this does sound ridiculous. There’s a reason why sex is experienced between two people behind closed doors. It’s because the only person that matters in that moment is your spouse. Not the media or society’s standards. This is the one person you committed to giving pleasure to in whatever way that person enjoys it. Similar to cooking my husband’s favorite meal. He loves pizza. Maybe your husband loves meat loaf. I won’t insist on giving my husband meat loaf because that’s your husband’s favourite meal 😉