The abuse did not start in the beginning, but after he had been deployed several times while in the military. After he returned home, the verbal and physical violence increased. At that point, we had already been married for several years. I realized the relationship was toxic after being verbally put down, which later turned into physical contact, which eventually led me to seek a restraining order.
While we all put our best foot forward in the beginning, there had definitely been red flags along the way. The big one for us would be extreme jealousy. My ex-husband did not like me going to the grocery store alone, or to be out for a long period of time. An abuser wants you isolated from friends and family; he can become verbally aggressive over anything. When you are walking on eggshells in your home, hoping he doesn’t get mad, it’s time to re-evaluate.
I attempted family and individual therapy over the course of a year, and the therapist ultimately stated that it was best for me to leave for the sake of my kids, before I ended up dead. More, I did not want my kids to grow up thinking that domestic violence is okay, and continue it as a generational curse. I wanted my kids to understand that there is more to life, and this is NOT normal.
I did not know what I was going to do, but I knew that for the sake of my kids and myself, I had to leave the marriage.
Starting over as a single mother was a lot tougher than I expected. But I knew I had to keep going no matter what, because my kids looked up to me for everything. There were times when I did not know what I was going to do next, but I had to push myself to never give up, to keep moving forward through it all.
Even once we were safe, we had to reckon with the effects of what we had been through as a family. The abuse had an impact on the kids mentally, because of what they had seen. Fortunately, the kids were able to go to therapy, and I worked with them everyday to rebuild their self-confidence and let them know that they are LOVED. I turned to family, friends, and community resources to help me through parenting as a single mother. My faith was the most crucial part of getting through the hard times.
If you think that you or someone you love might be in an abusive relationship, please reach out to community resources to seek assistance. There is housing that keeps your information anonymous. Reach out to professionals such as teachers, police, nonprofit organizations, and hotlines to see what resources are available that will assist you in leaving your abuser. There are resources out there that will help you rebuild your life after a divorce. I went from having nothing to currently working on my Ph. D in human services, after leaving my abuser.
I started MajesticStylezz because I wanted to show other women that if you persevere, you can achieve your dreams. People are going to put you down and say you cannot do something, but you have to keep going and chase your dreams. Being an entrepreneur gives me the ability to be my own boss, it gives me flexibility, and it allows me to build a new legacy for my family. Real stories empower other people to chase their dreams. I want to be that example to others.
Don’t let people crush your goals. You won’t know the outcome unless you try! Keep moving forward!