The Mama’s Perspective – Bullied By My Kids

Here’s your opportunity to learn more about the parenting styles of each Maturing Mama. No Mama is exactly the same in her parenting skills. This is our opportunity to highlight our differences in parenting in a means to help you find a method that works for you.

Today’s Question:

Can you describe a moment you felt bullied by your kids? How do you handle these moments?

Kelly

As bad as this sounds I often feel bullied by my child, she seems to realise that there is nothing I can physically do if she does not listen to me. No form of discipline works on her whatsoever. She once cried because she had to come off the naughty step!

My most recent experience was last Tuesday, I had to go to the hospital to have the baby monitored as I hadn’t felt him move as much. Therefore I was strapped up to the machines and had to keep still, there was no one to come with me to help or to watch Harley so I had to take her and my gosh it was like she knew I was incapacitated.

I had numerous books and toys and snacks with us to keep her entertained but no; she instead wanted to run around screaming ‘lady’ to the nurses, pressing any buttons she could on the monitors despite being repeatedly asked not too, throwing her toys around and literally biting her banana just to spit it out.

I’d asked nicely for her to sit down and behave but she just knew there was nothing I could do. Even the midwives in the unit came over to her saying she needs to listen to mummy. I’m not sure what others would have done in that situation but I literally just sat there with tears rolling down my face

Kyler

Can I describe a time I felt bullied by my kids? Gosh this is a heavy one. I feel it’s easier to describe the emotions of those moments rather than the exact details of the circumstances.

There have been many times I felt bullied by my kids. Times where they said or did something so hurtful it led me to hide away and lock myself in the bathroom for just long enough to stop crying. Then I would put on my brave mom face and go back out to parent and guide and lead by example.
It can be so hard sometimes!

But I’ve come to realize after all these 15 years of parenting, I have to be able to separate that hurt feeling and not categorize it. I have to recognize my role as their teacher and lead them through every situation including the ones that hurt me. They are testing this whole world out for the first time and I have the wonderful job of showing them how to deal with all the feelings that come with it. As painful as it may be SO OFTEN, it is so worth it!

Chanelle

I never knew this feeling could come from my own kids. I think the worst experience I had was when my four year old took my new lipstick and smeared it all over her walls. It was completely empty when I found it. And this was after I had explained to her numerous times that taking mommy’s things makes mommy feel really sad.

I literally stood there with my jaw dropped and choked on my tears. She sat there staring at me with this blank expression like she’d done nothing wrong. She might have even had a small smile on her face.

All I could say was, “I don’t want to see you for a few minutes”. I then left her in her room and went to my room to calm down. I was so shocked at how I didn’t feel angry, but just very hurt. I felt like I wanted to hide or run away.

It’s one thing to be bullied by a peer and know that you can walk away. But from my own child who I have to teach right from wrong… I felt like a failure and like there was something wrong with me that I deserved such treatment.

There were numerous other times my four year old did mean things that made me cry. I’m usually quite the confrontational type of person. If a peer is mean to me I’ll get right in their face about it. I’m shocked at how much I want my kids to know I love them despite their mean behavior.

At one point my four year old said, “Mommy, maybe next time you should send me away when I’m bad”. That surprised me. I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t want her any more or that her mean decisions were worth sending her away for.

Instead I want her to know that when she chooses to be mean there is a consequence AND an opportunity to make a better decision. I truly realize that I have to not take her behavior personally. I mean I was four once too. I remember doing senseless things just because. But I hold onto the idea that every time I forgive my girls and treat them better than they deserve, it’s an opportunity for them to be better.

And in those moments when I feel like she’s going too far, I call for reinforcement from Daddy. In those moments where I feel I can’t stand up for myself or truly feel taken advantaged of; it helps to have someone to take my side and remind me that the way my kids treat me is not the way I deserve to be treated. It’s also very intimidating for my kids to see their parents standing together. It completely shuts down their bad behavior.

I think for single parents, perhaps get another respected adult to help you out in a similar manner.

Kalifa

Lately, I’ve been feeling bullied by my almost 2-year-old into breastfeeding whenever she wants milk. We’re at the beginning of the weaning process, and she has no interest in any of that.

She’ll unzip my hoodie, lift up my shirt, and lay down in my lap – anything to set up for nursing. And when I say no she screams, hits me, and throws herself on the ground. She’s a treat. 

I think because of her age I’m annoyed more than concerned by her reaction when I say no, and I’m able to stick to my decision. She wants milk, but she also hates being told no; and the reason for her tantrums is a combination of those things. I’m sure when she sees her bully behaviour isn’t getting her what she wants, she’ll stop.