Dealing With Hurt – How to put issues in perspective

Women… we’re so dang sensitive! Don’t hate me for putting it out there because it’s true. Especially depending on the time of the month and if we’re pregnant- yikes!

Being sensitive is actually not a bad thing though. I mean our sensitivity gives us that protective and patient nature for our children. It helps us to look past a child’s tantrums to see their desire to have our attention and love. It helps us to protect our kids not just physically but emotionally too.

My husband always says that if a grown man were to ever touch one of his girls (me included), he would have to cause serious physical harm to that person. I admire his protective nature and I do pray it would never come to this. As for me, I use my words and I respond to other’s words towards my kids.

If someone ever says anything to hurt or embarrass my children and their self-esteem, you can be sure I would need a muzzle to stop myself from letting out some harsh words to put them in their place and maybe even embarrass them. Lord help me should a time like this come up!

However this sensitivity can make us super vulnerable to emotional attacks. These attacks can look like:

  • Harsh criticism.
  • Empty promises.
  • An ungrateful attitude from someone.

Personally I’ve acted out or have had someone act out on me when emotionally attacked. We women get defensive. We want to put our guard up to protect our selves and maybe even fire back.

These times will always come because we were made to be sensitive. It’s something men admire about women. It’s what they chase after.

I’ve learned that there are healthy and unhealthy methods to dealing with hurt. A few unhealthy methods are:

  • Isolation – You’re wounded and in an effort to pick up the broken pieces you move away from everyone and replay the hurtful scenario in your head. You reread the text that was sent in an effort to justify why it was said. And often time, the final answer you come up with as to why this all happened is a lie that you’ve worked on accepting as truth.
  • Playing ignorant – You shut down. You empty your mind of what was said. You pretend it never happened. You find something you love to distract yourself with and you drop all other responsibilities in order to find your happy place. This could be watching movies, or going out, cleaning… whatever it is that you choose doesn’t fully satisfy you so you turn this method of healing into an obsessive habit.
  • Guilting Onesself – In an effort to save face and keep the peace, you accept whatever hurt you were presented with. You hold it in your heart and accept it as truth. You may even accept that this is just the way it is and it will never go away.

All of these methods lead to self-inflicted hurt in my opinion. But there are better methods available that bring healing, restoration of relationships and peace of mind.

I can easily recall the last time I was emotionally hurt, (as I’m sure you can too). I’ve practiced all of these unhealthy methods in the past. But after much prayer and self assessment, I’ve learned of better methods. These methods come in steps.

  1. As that emotional hurt is happening to me, I accept it as facts. I don’t internalize it just yet because I don’t know that it’s something worth carrying in my heart. This can look like, not coming up with a back story as to why something was said or done. But simply accepting that it happened and stop it there.
  2. I come up with some questions and ask the person that emotionally attacked me. I do not ask myself! So if someone didn’t show up when they said they would, I ask why before assuming the worst. If someone says something critical that was very hurtful I ask if they knew this particular criticism was something that would hurt me. The point is to find the motive the attacker had. Perhaps it was well intentioned.
  3. If their motive doesn’t make sense, which often time it doesn’t, I find someone I deem “mature” to talk to about it. I get their perspective on the situation. I find out if they may be able to give an interpretation of what was said or done. I find out their take on who was in the wrong. Was the emotional attack out of line or totally called for?
  4. I now decide one final thing, do I use this emotional attack to make a change now based on the conversation I had with this mature person? Is the emotional attacker someone I need to distance myself from? Is the information that was given by the emotional attacker something that I had coming and that I need to put work into? Or do I put the incident of the emotional attack on the back burner and if it comes up again then I’ll start these steps again from point number one. This can look like giving a friendship another chance despite something hurtful that was said. And then, should something similar be said at another time then I’ll turn it into an issue that needs to be resolved.

We live in a broken world where benefits of being a woman have learned to disguise itself as flaws. However being sensitive is NOT a flaw. It’s something beautiful.

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